Nearly half of my time in Providence is already over, which feels strange, it passed so quickly! But to be honest, I had a strange feeling today of that Birmingham is my home. I was skyping with a friend (or whatever, I’ll just refer to as a friend) from Birmingham, and that accent made me suddenly think, that’s where my home is. I never thought I’ll get that feeling with England. I was quite ready to leave after my PhD, Brexit and so. But you never know. 😉
I’m currently drinking a Koelsch after my workout, the first one since Saturday. By now I’m pretty convinced I’m not pregnant, so I’ll just drink. If I was pregnant, I would worry about the child’s genes anyway, considering it would have been creating in a night full of alcohol and tobacco. But I’m writing with that friend from Birmingham, so I take it as an excuse that I’m not drinking alone. 😛 By the way, I recently read a study that one drink after workout doesn’t do any harm, so I feel even less bad about it. The truth is, I wasn’t hungry because I had eaten before, but I fancied a drink, mainly because it’s already weekend for me, I’m going to a 4 days trip to Washington tomorrow. 🙂 I am really looking forward now, all the bad experience from last Friday won’t spoil the time here!
I haven’t been up to much research-wise because Christie and me couldn’t start the experiment yet. But we tested it out today, it seems to work alright. I was the subject, it was so cool to see the images I created on the screen. 😛 I didn’t analyse the EEG data yet but I did the tutorials to become familiar with it, and I read some more papers about the background theory.
On Tuesday evening I went to an astronomy session organised by the physics department. That was so cool! We looked through telescopes at Saturn and Jupiter. There were many families. I guess if I had children I would go with them to events like that, rather than letting them play video-games or so. I might get a bit pathetic again but looking at the stars made me think how small and insignificant we are, just random people at a random planet.
Today I went to an event called „assertive speaking“, again organised by Brown. That was really good. It was about assertive speaking at the workplace, I think it’s useful in all kinds of human interactions though. I really need to learn to explain my wishes more I think.
This evening I went to the gym, I try to keep it up regularly, at least 2-3 times a week, it’s just nice after long days at the office. The trainer talked to me afterwards and said: „You’re so pretty!“ That was so weird haha, but it was a female trainer. I think I can enjoy the compliment more when a woman says it. If it’s a man I always think I’m just degraded to my appearance. I’d like to talk about it though. I used to hate that compliment, mainly when a man said it. Often men who were in relationships with me or dated me said how pretty I am, and I always felt that was the only compliment I got, and I felt I’m so much more. Now I can take that compliment more, but I still feel weird being told so often how pretty I am. First and foremost, I don’t agree. Honestly, I don’t think I’m pretty. I think I’m about average. Maybe I’m not terribly ugly, although sometimes I just feel ugly, but most of the time I just feel average. There are so many pretty women (women are prettier than men!) in the world, why am I being told that so often? But ok, maybe I am not ugly. Here I have to thank mum if she reads that, it’s her genes! Certainly not my father’s. But even here, looking at old photos of my mum, she was so much prettier than I am. But the more important reason that I don’t like this compliment is, I’m so much more than that! I’d like to have more talents, I’d like to be a good singer and a good dancer, but that won’t happen in this life anymore, but I still have some talents. I think I’m a good friend, I try to keep in touch with my friend. I like the photographs I’m taking. I guess my cooking and baking skills are alright. I developed my skills in hiking/navigation and climbing. I think I have the right political opinion :P, and sometimes I’m even proud of my way of analysing recent political events. I’m a good researcher, I really think that. So I think being „pretty“ isn’t a talent, but all those other things I mentioned are. And from a feminist perspective, I don’t like the way women are reduced to their outward appearance. So I know you don’t mean anything bad if you say I’m pretty and I try to accept that compliment, but I have more facets don’t I?